Telephone and the militant tendencies

How many times have you felt like nuking some people (unrelated to the following events but someway related) -
…when you are out of town and enjoying a vacation
…when you are paving your way through bad traffic, with a signal breakdown
…when you are in an animated discussion in a meeting room with your managers and peers or
…when you are glued to the monitor breaking your head over a code which refuses to run however hard you try to troubleshoot ?
And your mobile breaks into a song, making you jump at the sudden rise in the decibel levels. And when you regain your composure and pick the call, it is some stupid dude or a lady, trying to sell you exactly the stuff you don’t want - credit cards, personal loans, car loans and such.

Its most annoying when the agents don’t check even the fundamentals before they push the buttons on their phone. Picture this:
Agent: Can I talk to Mr. RT?
Me: Hello!! Does my voice sound like a Mister to you? *Or is my voice like a male with a bad throat? Or do you have congenitally weak voice-recognition sensors in your brain?*
Agent: Sorry madam. *Absolutely no remorse* ICICI is giving you a free lifetime credit card with blah blah other features....

In other occasions,
Agent: Hello ma'm, am calling from ICICI.
Me: Ok?
Agent: We are offering a personal loan with the best interest rates and blah blah...
Me:(trying to interrupt) Well.. Err.. Excuse me, I am not…
Agent: (Taking no notice at my meek voice at the other end) Blah blah blah blah...
Me: (raising my voice a little to be sure he/she hears me) Actually, I am not interested...
Agent: (Still not noticed). We also give you blah blah payment options and some more blah EMI...
Me: *That does it*. Look, I don’t want your card.
Agent: Its not credit card madam, Its a personal loan.
Me: Ok whatever. I don’t care, I don’t want it.
Agent: Ok Madam. If you'd be interested sometime....*bang* (I have already hung up the phone)

Some opportunist ones:
Agent: Hello, I am calling from ICICI bank, Can I talk to Mr. ABC?
Me: No, he is not at his desk at the moment.
Agent: Oh! Its alright madam. Meanwhile, would you be interested in a car loan...

Some more enterprising ones:
Agent: A very good morning to you!!
Me: *huh?* Yeah? Who's this?
Agent: Can I take a few minutes of your precious time?
Me: *your clock is already ticking, you moron* Ok?
Agent: Ma'm, I had talked to you the other day about the offer.
Me:*Ah! Acting smart, are we?* No, I don’t think so.
Agent: Wonderful! We are offering a lifetime free credit card from Citibank.
Me: Look, I already have a credit card and managing another one is an overhead for me.
Agent: If you don’t mind me asking, which card is this?
Me: ICICI.
Agent: Oh.. ICICI does not give u blah features and blah blah options where as Citibank gives you ........So I would suggest you go for the Citibank card and surrender your ICICI card.
Me: *Huh!! What cheek! Not that I am fiercely loyal to ICICI and their services but someone directing me to do things was a bit too much* Look, I don’t want your card ok?
Agent: But why Ma'm, see what all advantages you derive out of it? And you can....
Me: (interrupting) I have told you in plain English I don’t want the card. Do you need further clarification?
Agent:(reluctantly).. Err.. Ok madam, Do you have any references who might be interested?
Me: *A quick mental scan through my list of dislikable people* No I don’t think so. Bye.

Some desperately honest ones:
Agent: Am I talking to RT Madam?
Me: Yes. Speaking.
Agent: Madam, we are offering you a low interest personal loan from...
Me: I don’t want a personal loan.
Agent: Ma'm pleeeeaaaase take the loan. I have to sell it to 5 people and I have not sold to even 1 person.
Me: *huh! Is charity written all over my voice or is my name numerologically giving her such signals?* I am sorry but I don’t want it.
Agent: Ma'm pleaaaase..
Me: Will you please let me carry on with my work?
Agent: (full sad and disappointed) Sorry madam.

After a point, I realized that the best practice to follow is to agree and say I am having the exact insurance policy or credit card or personal loan from the said bank. And immediately the conversation ends.

Agent: Can I talk to Mr. RT?
Me: *Sigh* Yes! This is RT *All people, caste, creed, gender are alike in the eyes of God, I guess*
Agent: We are offering lifetime free Citibank card.
Me: I already have a Citibank card, which is lifetime free.
Agent: Ok madam. Any references?
Me: No. Sorry.
Agent: Ok. Have a nice day madam.

That was easy, wasn’t it? Oops, my phone rings again..!! *Nuke 'em all - bang bang!*