Monday, May 23, 2005

Telephone and the militant tendencies

How many times have you felt like nuking some people (unrelated to the following events but someway related) -
…when you are out of town and enjoying a vacation
…when you are paving your way through bad traffic, with a signal breakdown
…when you are in an animated discussion in a meeting room with your managers and peers or
…when you are glued to the monitor breaking your head over a code which refuses to run however hard you try to troubleshoot ?
And your mobile breaks into a song, making you jump at the sudden rise in the decibel levels. And when you regain your composure and pick the call, it is some stupid dude or a lady, trying to sell you exactly the stuff you don’t want - credit cards, personal loans, car loans and such.

Its most annoying when the agents don’t check even the fundamentals before they push the buttons on their phone. Picture this:
Agent: Can I talk to Mr. RT?
Me: Hello!! Does my voice sound like a Mister to you? *Or is my voice like a male with a bad throat? Or do you have congenitally weak voice-recognition sensors in your brain?*
Agent: Sorry madam. *Absolutely no remorse* ICICI is giving you a free lifetime credit card with blah blah other features....

In other occasions,
Agent: Hello ma'm, am calling from ICICI.
Me: Ok?
Agent: We are offering a personal loan with the best interest rates and blah blah...
Me:(trying to interrupt) Well.. Err.. Excuse me, I am not…
Agent: (Taking no notice at my meek voice at the other end) Blah blah blah blah...
Me: (raising my voice a little to be sure he/she hears me) Actually, I am not interested...
Agent: (Still not noticed). We also give you blah blah payment options and some more blah EMI...
Me: *That does it*. Look, I don’t want your card.
Agent: Its not credit card madam, Its a personal loan.
Me: Ok whatever. I don’t care, I don’t want it.
Agent: Ok Madam. If you'd be interested sometime....*bang*
(I have already hung up the phone)

Some opportunist ones:
Agent: Hello, I am calling from ICICI bank, Can I talk to Mr. ABC?
Me: No, he is not at his desk at the moment.
Agent: Oh! Its alright madam. Meanwhile, would you be interested in a car loan...


Some more enterprising ones:
Agent: A very good morning to you!!
Me: *huh?* Yeah? Who's this?
Agent: Can I take a few minutes of your precious time?
Me: *your clock is already ticking, you moron* Ok?
Agent: Ma'm, I had talked to you the other day about the offer.
Me:*Ah! Acting smart, are we?* No, I don’t think so.
Agent: Wonderful! We are offering a lifetime free credit card from Citibank.
Me: Look, I already have a credit card and managing another one is an overhead for me.
Agent: If you don’t mind me asking, which card is this?
Me: ICICI.
Agent: Oh.. ICICI does not give u blah features and blah blah options where as Citibank gives you ........So I would suggest you go for the Citibank card and surrender your ICICI card.
Me: *Huh!! What cheek! Not that I am fiercely loyal to ICICI and their services but someone directing me to do things was a bit too much* Look, I don’t want your card ok?
Agent: But why Ma'm, see what all advantages you derive out of it? And you can....
Me: (interrupting) I have told you in plain English I don’t want the card. Do you need further clarification?
Agent:(reluctantly).. Err.. Ok madam, Do you have any references who might be interested?
Me: *A quick mental scan through my list of dislikable people* No I don’t think so. Bye.

Some desperately honest ones:
Agent: Am I talking to RT Madam?
Me: Yes. Speaking.
Agent: Madam, we are offering you a low interest personal loan from...
Me: I don’t want a personal loan.
Agent: Ma'm pleeeeaaaase take the loan. I have to sell it to 5 people and I have not sold to even 1 person.
Me: *huh! Is charity written all over my voice or is my name numerologically giving her such signals?* I am sorry but I don’t want it.
Agent: Ma'm pleaaaase..
Me: Will you please let me carry on with my work?
Agent: (full sad and disappointed) Sorry madam.


After a point, I realized that the best practice to follow is to agree and say I am having the exact insurance policy or credit card or personal loan from the said bank. And immediately the conversation ends.

Agent: Can I talk to Mr. RT?
Me: *Sigh* Yes! This is RT *All people, caste, creed, gender are alike in the eyes of God, I guess*
Agent: We are offering lifetime free Citibank card.
Me: I already have a Citibank card, which is lifetime free.
Agent: Ok madam. Any references?
Me: No. Sorry.
Agent: Ok. Have a nice day madam.

That was easy, wasn’t it? Oops, my phone rings again..!! *Nuke 'em all - bang bang!*

2 Comments:

At 23 May, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One smart colleague of mine would start saying ..Is route ki sabhi liney vyast hain kripya thodi der baad dial karien.. all lines to this route are busy please dial after some time .. The moment he would know its from some XYZ bank .. And the agents generally used to get bugged cos they would know the guy at other end is fooling him/her :-)

 
At 24 May, 2005, Blogger RT said...

~sims: Yeah..! Not a bad idea actually..! Will try that out the next time the phone rings..:-)
I was quite fascinated by that Idea-cellular ka commercial about some waiting tones that you can customize to incoming calls which would probably say - "Mujhe Credit cards, personal loans nahi chaiye. Please phone rakh do..!"..:-)
Will check if Orange has any such feature..:-)

 

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