Neighbor's envy and Lalitaji

“Bhala, iski sari meri sari se safed kaise?” [Loosely translated as, how come her sari is whiter than mine?] cooed the neighborhood ladies with malicious envy written all over their faces at Lalitaji when she stepped out into a vegetable market with her son Ravi bete in a crisp, starched white sari with a surf-blue border. After a bit of selfless confession from Lalitaji, a look of triumph light up their faces when they find out the secret of her blemish-less whiteness.

This is post is not quite about HLL's much famed surf ad of the 80's. Not even about the sense of power to housewives which the ad seems to have signified in those days. Not even how Lalitaji became and still is a household name. This rant is about the city that I have come to adopt in the recent times - Bangalore or Bengaluru. Gah! Whatever!

The drivers in this city seem to have this sense of neighbors-envy-owner's-pride deeply instilled in their heart of hearts. So much so, that they cannot bear a scratch-free vehicle on the road. The thought process is pretty much similar to the housewives with malicious envy mentioned above.
“Bhala, iski gaadi mein meri gaadi se kam scratches kaise?” [How come his vehicle has lesser scratches than mine?]
That’s the virtuous mantra most drivers seem to take tad too seriously in this city. Only difference being that the drivers also come fully packed and loaded with malicious intents. It’s after all a slander for anyone to be driving a blemish-less vehicle. They have to be etched with some artsy signature scratches. Oh! A line near the rear door would give Cashmere color of the car a remarkable facelift, wouldn’t it? Hmm, on second thoughts, for symmetry and completeness sakes, the other side too, could be blessed with one. And the rear bumper! Oh, that needs to be nuzzled and pampered every now and then. And what can be a more ecstatic, orgy-like moment than feeling the curvaceous rear view mirror while overtaking. After all, Sheesha akhir toot jata hai. [Mirrors break sometime or other].

Needless to say, my car has been 'beautified' immensely in the last 1.5 months of my stay here. And I am wondering wistfully how I can ward off the evil eye from her and also put an end to the priceless-work-of-art on her body.

I sincerely feel there must be some kind of empowerment that we should've had as a class of Homo sapiens. Whenever a vehicle decides to act ‘fresh’ with your car, one special gaze at the vehicle must either puncture the tires of the said car or jam the power windows or spoil the A/C or automatically get the scars which were meant to be induced on your car. Or better still; create a perception of psychological guilt in the driver so much that he gives up driving a car in this lifetime and takes to public transport thereby reducing the traffic on the roads too.

If only, wishes were scratch-less cars...! *sigh sigh*