Wednesday, September 05, 2007

More baby blues

Lot of things happening in life and that’s probably a good enough justification to ignore this space. Of course, one can also make out from the occasional statcounter statistics, which one visits slightly more often than one's own page, that there is almost no audience left.

It’s raining babies these days. And I seem to be enroute to doing my small contribution to the phenomena soon. It seems to have its positives which I seem to be enjoying for most part. It’s always good to be in the center of attraction though brief, when even people who haven't been exactly social come forth and make polite conversations and so on. But there are these things which I seem to enjoy the most.

1. Goodies:
Well! I wouldn't really classify myself as a foodie. Very few people really knew what I liked. But now I see myself being asked for my food cravings by every mami and aunty in the neighborhood and fed and fed some more.

2. Unsolicited help:
Now that my bump is evident enough for people to stop speculating whether it’s a paunch, I seem to get a lot of sweet gestures from all fronts. Right from watchman of neighboring apartment complex opening the gate of my independent house for me to park the car, folks at work offering to carry my laptop to the car and to my desk, not letting me cross the road alone, the chaiwallah in office frowning whenever I ask for a rare cup of tea when the craving is too strong, the neighborhood pharmacy guy checking if I wanted the customary dairy milk bar and so on.

3. Weight gain:
For the first time in life, I am at my heaviest best. And better news is that there is no one to tell me that I am underweight and that I don’t eat enough. I have gained 12 kgs already and more to go. Though I only hope that after delivery, I get back to a healthy BMI and at the same time, I am able to fit back into my old jeans. :-)

4. Baby kicks:
I am not sure about babies in general (including my own), but I seem to be enjoying the baby kicks right from the time they seemed like flutters to now when the strong jabs on my bladder make me want to drop everything and do a beeline to the loo. It’s a nice, funny feeling to see a 'living something' crawling in my tummy trying to find some room. I think I'll miss them the most after the baby is out.

The hate-list, as of now, is not too big. But it is not exactly a very smooth, happy ride through the 9.5 months.

1. Sleeplessness:
I have forgotten how it was too have a good 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Not able to sleep even when the fatigue and cramps are totally overbearing, is not exactly something to look forward to. But on the flip side, I seem to be getting trained for more sleepless nights in the times to come.

2. Gender guessing:
I want a girl! There. I said it! And anyone who thinks otherwise might as well keep their comments and speculations to themselves.

3. Boredom:
Carrying 12 kgs of extra weight is tough. Very tough. I feel like a road roller dragging myself all over the place. And with frequent aches and pains and overdose of gyaan on the complications and symptoms to keep tab on all through the 9 months, I just want to get over and done with it. It’s not like I am dying to see my baby or anything. I am not even sure if there is an iota of motherly instinct in me for that as yet. But it’s a long boring wait. And the worst part is that I am not sure what to expect at the end of the wait. Guess its best to just take it as it comes as I am doing right now.

That’s a longish rant in a long time. But anyway, I am in my 8th month and a confused, clueless mum-to-be. I do have A LOT of apprehensions on my own maternal skills and capabilities. More so, when people tell me that I'll do fine when I see the baby in my arms and so on. I do know that they mean well, but I am not convinced that it will be all filmy-filmy that I see a crying baby and scream hysterically "mera bachcha, mera apna khoon" and so on out of elation. I'll probably be too shocked for all that.

I do see a lot of struggle and I am not sure I can tolerate something as bad as this one!!!