The Iyer clan

It was a rainy evening. Dhwani and I were fooling around while my mum was fixing dinner in the kitchen. She is all of one and a half but talks like a paati (granny) already.

So she has this erasable slate with a magnetic pencil which is her current favorite amongst her toys. She would scribble violently and incessantly for hours believing that she is writing something really meaningful. And once bored, the slate would go flying from one end of the room to the other end or it would get beaten up or stamped upon or tortured in the third degree in some other mechanism. Its quite commendable that the slate has roughed it out thus far.

So I was drawing some images and letting her guess what they were and when I was running out of ideas, I hit upon the idea of writing her name and asking her to guess. This one was easy. My maid would write her name everyday and this one was a piece of cake. And said aloud "DHWANI IYER" with an air of pride.

I deleted her name and put mine and asked her what it was. And it did not take her a moment to proclaim it again as 'DHWANI IYER'. So I corrected her saying this is "A~ IYER" which she reluctantly accepted.

Now I thought I'll pain her some more and put her appa's name there and ask her what that was. Now she gave it a thought for a few moments and looked around and triumphantly announced "UMA PAATI* IYER".

*PAATI = Granny. (my mum in this case)

Brand new day

"Say Sunday, kutti**."

"un-day"

"Monday"

"munday"

"Tuesday"

"tuech-day"

"Wednesday"

"wedded-day"

"Thursday"

"her-day"

"Friday"

"fie-day"

"Saturday"

"saded-day"

And what's after Saturday, kutti?

*A triumphant reply after small pause*
"BUD-DAY" (birthday in adult language)

Just when one started to believe that 24 hours are not enough... :-)

**kutti - loosely translated to little one

La-D-da

Dearest D,

I know, I haven’t really written much about you in these spaces. And this is no special occasion either. You are 15-running-on-16 months old. And I always believed I would never do justice to describe something I feel very strongly about. But some day I would love you to look at this and realize what a little darling terrorist you are turning out to be. Terrible twos are christened with a reason, I guess. In your case, I can easily move it to a year earlier.

I remember the day that you were born when I saw you in half-conscious delirium after a 16 hour marathon labor. And what I remember distinctly is, barely a few minutes old and you were all eyes-wide-open and looking around curiously trying to figure where your cramped, dark, familiar confines in mommy’s tummy had vanished. I had never seen a freshly born baby even attempt to open the eyes for more than a second or two. And you, after the initial bout of cries and checkups, were ready to take on the world "Ok! I am finally out and packed into a parcel with funny noisy things hovering over me, poking me, touching me. Now what next?".

And that attitude is still so evident in you and I see it everyday. You manage to make yourself at home wherever you go, whether it is in the cozy confines of your crib or a rickety bus ride to Guruvayoor or in extreme heat or extreme cold. All that needs to cheer you up is the option to go odi-odi (odi - run in tamil) and favorite bottle of milk. Sometimes I am put to shame with the amount of stuff you put up with and just take it in your stride. Of course you are also a touch-me-not of the highest order. You have a rather complex assessment process on whether the person is worth being friends with or not. And it is strange that you seem to bond with people I bond with and are indifferent to people I don’t care too much about and I have no hand in trying to influencing you in any way.

Its nice to see you developing as your own person. Especially, knowing what you want and when you want. Even if it is about wanting mummy to sing London Bridge or Yankee Doodle while putting you to sleep or whether you want paa (milk) or kanji (porridge), whether you want to do tachi (sleep) or odi-odi. I have a lot to learn on that front from you.

I like the way you conduct yourself with people close to your age. Most kids actually hide themselves from you out of shyness while you go out of your way trying to be friendly and shake hands or coo papu papu (baby baby) into their ears. But that never stops you from not wanting to try to get their attention which is typically by pulling their turned-away face towards you almost telling them. "Hey you! Look at me. I am speaking to you".

I also love the way you give me a cold shoulder when I come back late from work or when I give attention to other kids your age. I have never seen you cry or throw a tantrum. But I have seen you silently watch me, trying to ignore my presence by not wanting to acknowledge when I call out for you. You are so little but know perfectly how to protest silently and make a statement, which your mummy lacks completely.

You do me so proud when I see you correlate the objects you are taught in books or otherwise with what you see in real, when you just shrug and carry on with something else when someone takes away a toy you were playing with, when you run to check yourself out in the mirror when you wear something new, when you just take things in your stride whether it is about not getting your food on time or getting too much food at a time, or not getting to go for your favorite walks or having your thatha-paati or appa or mummy leave you and go away while you sleep. And you do me proud for being the most precious thing my life.

Love,
Mummy
(Which you adamantly insist on calling me even when you know you are expected to call me amma. And I love you for that. :-))

"Baby's" day out

Enroute to a dinner/pub party I could not refuse:

RT: Damn! I miss these unplanned outings after the baby. Been sooooo long. And at the end of it, my daughter is going to give me a cold shoulder when I get back late tonight. *Sigh* *Sigh*
Grown-up baby@work: You mean, she's going to do su-su on your shoulder? How do you know? :-O

Reflections - round and in shape

It was around this time last year when I first figured that I was pregnant. There were none of the typical filmy moments like puking and fainting and some vague doctor immediately predicting the 'obvious'. I was jittery from the very next day of having slipped my period. First few days after enlightenment went in a haze, a rude shock, bordering around some form of depression. It was a far cry reaction to what one sees in movies- you know, a coy wife, an elated husband, ecstatic family and all of that. Husband was not even in town when the enlightenment happened. Over a teary eyed telephone conversation, I broke the news and the response i got was "Shit!! Are you sure? Do you want to check again?"

After truckloads of counseling by mom, I breezed through most part of the 9 months. Almost to the extent of preferring to stay pregnant for the rest of my life. I loved my hair, my skin, the extra kilos, kicks in my tummy and every associated moment. But found my waterloo during labor. It was a marathon 16 hour one where all I remember was lying in an uncomfortable bed with needles all over me, with no food and writhing in terrible spasms of pain. When the ordeal was finally over and the doc announced it was a girl, I was in a moment of awe, elation, numbness, disbelief and relief - all blended together. So much so, that I did not touch her at all well into midnight (she was born in the afternoon).

And now my little girl is 4 months old (already!!) and an irresistible darling. Somehow, the agonizing hours of labor and the associated distresses preluding and post labor are almost forgotten. Its pure bliss to see her toothless grin reserved just for me when I get back from work. Yes! I am back at work and it breaks my heart every morning to leave her and go. Not that she makes it apparent then, but her reaction to my absence comes out in bizarre ways after I am back home. If I come back from work and not pick her up immediately, she throws a fit. She gets cranky if I get interrupted while playing with her. A momentary loss of eye contact is enough to set her tantrum-plug on.

I am not quite sure how to describe my state of mind. Of course, all the maternal instincts and such did not happen overnight. It took me considerable time to get to like her, to grow fond of her. There were days, rather nights when I could not stand the sight of her and have actually gone and slept in another room leaving her with husband or mum, when washing and changing nappies were the order of the day, when I was just reduced to a milk vending machine. Its all paying off now I guess. I like it when she gives me the 'special' treatment as compared to others. That her transformation from extreme crankiness to instant silence happens instantaneously when I pick her up. That I am the one she feels most secure with.

Sometimes, it feels like a promotion at work. A sudden new role and expectation that I wonder if I will live up to in the long run. I started off with a lot of apprehensions when I got pregnant and have managed to reach to this level. And all through this, I consciously set my mind to take things as they come and not think too much into future. And now I wonder if I have to do it for the rest of my life. :)

And last but definitely not the least, nothing gives me more pleasure than the fact that my pre-pregnancy clothes (which until a month ago did not go up my butt) fit me like a charm. I am back to shape finally!!! And with no exercising of any sort! Yay!! :D

Little arrival

My little Dhwani - who's yet to sound 'melodious' as her name suggests. :-)

She is 24 days old now and a handful already.

At her birth:

At 20 days:

And I have a girl! Yay!! :-)

More baby blues

Lot of things happening in life and that’s probably a good enough justification to ignore this space. Of course, one can also make out from the occasional statcounter statistics, which one visits slightly more often than one's own page, that there is almost no audience left.

It’s raining babies these days. And I seem to be enroute to doing my small contribution to the phenomena soon. It seems to have its positives which I seem to be enjoying for most part. It’s always good to be in the center of attraction though brief, when even people who haven't been exactly social come forth and make polite conversations and so on. But there are these things which I seem to enjoy the most.

1. Goodies:
Well! I wouldn't really classify myself as a foodie. Very few people really knew what I liked. But now I see myself being asked for my food cravings by every mami and aunty in the neighborhood and fed and fed some more.

2. Unsolicited help:
Now that my bump is evident enough for people to stop speculating whether it’s a paunch, I seem to get a lot of sweet gestures from all fronts. Right from watchman of neighboring apartment complex opening the gate of my independent house for me to park the car, folks at work offering to carry my laptop to the car and to my desk, not letting me cross the road alone, the chaiwallah in office frowning whenever I ask for a rare cup of tea when the craving is too strong, the neighborhood pharmacy guy checking if I wanted the customary dairy milk bar and so on.

3. Weight gain:
For the first time in life, I am at my heaviest best. And better news is that there is no one to tell me that I am underweight and that I don’t eat enough. I have gained 12 kgs already and more to go. Though I only hope that after delivery, I get back to a healthy BMI and at the same time, I am able to fit back into my old jeans. :-)

4. Baby kicks:
I am not sure about babies in general (including my own), but I seem to be enjoying the baby kicks right from the time they seemed like flutters to now when the strong jabs on my bladder make me want to drop everything and do a beeline to the loo. It’s a nice, funny feeling to see a 'living something' crawling in my tummy trying to find some room. I think I'll miss them the most after the baby is out.

The hate-list, as of now, is not too big. But it is not exactly a very smooth, happy ride through the 9.5 months.

1. Sleeplessness:
I have forgotten how it was too have a good 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Not able to sleep even when the fatigue and cramps are totally overbearing, is not exactly something to look forward to. But on the flip side, I seem to be getting trained for more sleepless nights in the times to come.

2. Gender guessing:
I want a girl! There. I said it! And anyone who thinks otherwise might as well keep their comments and speculations to themselves.

3. Boredom:
Carrying 12 kgs of extra weight is tough. Very tough. I feel like a road roller dragging myself all over the place. And with frequent aches and pains and overdose of gyaan on the complications and symptoms to keep tab on all through the 9 months, I just want to get over and done with it. It’s not like I am dying to see my baby or anything. I am not even sure if there is an iota of motherly instinct in me for that as yet. But it’s a long boring wait. And the worst part is that I am not sure what to expect at the end of the wait. Guess its best to just take it as it comes as I am doing right now.

That’s a longish rant in a long time. But anyway, I am in my 8th month and a confused, clueless mum-to-be. I do have A LOT of apprehensions on my own maternal skills and capabilities. More so, when people tell me that I'll do fine when I see the baby in my arms and so on. I do know that they mean well, but I am not convinced that it will be all filmy-filmy that I see a crying baby and scream hysterically "mera bachcha, mera apna khoon" and so on out of elation. I'll probably be too shocked for all that.

I do see a lot of struggle and I am not sure I can tolerate something as bad as this one!!!